Stormy Daniels is Not a Stupid Person




We have been conditioned to think that the blonde in question is an idiot. That does not seem to be the case:

Stormy Daniels [Stephanie Clifford] can't get her story straight. Or maybe she can but chooses not to.

The pornographic film director and actress issued a signed statement Tuesday in which she once again denied having an affair with Donald Trump in 2006. Then, in a bizarre twist, she cast doubt on the authenticity of the statement hours later in an interview with late-night comedian Jimmy Kimmel.

Kimmel noted that Daniels's signature on the statement appeared different from her previous signatures.

“Did you sign this letter that was released today?” Kimmel asked.

“I don't know. Did I?” Daniels replied. “That does not look like my signature, does it?”

Wait. What? Of course Daniels knows whether she signed the statement. After the Kimmel interview, Daniels's spokeswoman, Gina Rodriguez, told The Washington Post that she and an attorney witnessed Daniels sign the document Tuesday afternoon.

Daniels either suffers from short-term memory loss or, more likely, is deliberately sending mixed messages.

Why would she do that? Here's a theory: Daniels is trying to tell us, through winks and nudges, that she did have sex with the future president, even as she officially denies an affair.

Daniels said in her statement Tuesday that she was not “paid ‘hush money,’ as has been reported in overseas-owned tabloids.” That was a backhanded reference to a report by the Wall Street Journal that Daniels accepted $130,000 to keep quiet during the 2016 presidential race. (For the record, Journal owner Rupert Murdoch is Australian-born but is a U.S. citizen, and the paper is not tabloid-size.)

Of course, all someone has to do is step forward with a penalty check--probably a little larger than $130K--and then double it so that Miss Clifford (her real last name) can come clean about what went on, but who's going to do that?

She knows that no one will help her. No one will do that. So, why not cash in?

We are being manipulated, of course. We're being led around by a woman who understands that men are stupid because they will spend untold amounts of money to be in her presence and buy the products she sells (beyond movies, she is an entrepreneur who sells access to the content she creates and to the sex toys that she endorses). She knows that the focus is on her looks and her line of work. This is smart because she is in the process of enriching herself despite what the country is doing to itself. She's more of a Republican than Trump, for crying out loud.

But what's really troubling is that this has not crippled Trump politically. Lesser sex scandals in size and scope (he had a relationship with her for about a year, in case you have forgotten) have sunk Democrats. For someone like Trump, of course not. This is who he is. He's a serial philanderer who doesn't care what anyone thinks of him. He makes hypocrites out of every follower.

I may be in the minority, but if Clifford had come out with her story in late 2016, it wouldn't have made a difference. It might have even helped Trump with the asshole contingent that voted for him. Certainly nothing he does is hurting him with evangelicals and Nazis.

Officer, I'd Like to Report a Murder




So, Richard Marx basically killed Piers Morgan again today.

The problem is, there is virtually nothing left of Morgan because he has been obliterated, again and again, by people on Twitter. This is the guy who shouldn't even have a Twitter account anymore because he has been humiliated so many times on the platform, no one has any credible way of keeping statistics on it. He has, literally, been vaporized on a social media platform and reduced to a quivering heap of ashes and grease stains that have been driven into a cheap piece of carpeting, and walked on by millions and millions of indifferent souls. He has been turned into a barely-remembered afterthought by the collective efforts of those who have taken his ridiculous statements and turned them into withering insults that would have driven any decent person to eschew commenting in public altogether forever. He is without shame or anything resembling a public profile now, and when the sun hits him in a public place, he casts no shadow whatever because sunlight cannot fall on him because he has, for all intents and purposes, been rendered invisible to all good people.

He is Piers Morgan, and he is the consistency of a dissipated wet fart that dried out years ago.

John T. Floore Country Store




And, oh by the way, Elvis played here. What the marker doesn't say is that Bob Dylan played here, too.

I love this place, and it's a great venue. These places are disappearing! Save them before it is too late!

Megyn Kelly Should Not Start Any Feuds Over Plastic Surgery




NBC is not going to get its money's worth out of Megyn Kelly:

Megyn Kelly is firing back on Jane Fonda for criticizing the NBC Today host for asking about her plastic surgery.

In a rather blistering segment addressing the audience on Monday’s program, Kelly defended asking the legendary actress and activist in September about the work she’s had done, noting she looked amazing for her age (Fonda is 80). Fonda has criticized the question as the “wrong place and wrong time” and called Kelly “not that good of an interviewer.”

“When she first complained — publicly after the program and repeatedly — I choose to say nothing because my philosophy is that what people think of me is none of my business,” Kelly began in the clip below. “However, Fonda was at it again last week — here on NBC and then again elsewhere — so it’s time to address the ‘poor me’ routine.”

“First some context,” Kelly continued. “Fonda was on [my show] to promote a film about aging [Our Souls at Night]. For years, she has spoken openly about her joy in giving a cultural face to older women. Well, the truth is, most older women look nothing like Fonda, who is now 80. And if Fonda really wants to have an honest discussion about older women’s cultural face, then her plastic surgery is tough to ignore. Fonda herself knows this. She knows this. That’s why, to her credit, she’s discussed plastic surgery pretty much everywhere before coming on our show.”

Come on, grow up. No one should be asked or shamed about something like that. If you want to discuss it, you have your staff talk to her staff. This is how talk shows are supposed to work. No surprises, ever.

Kelly is terrible on the air, and can't function in polite society. She may have had success on Fox being able to deliver racist memes and ideas in a polite, blonde-lady sort of way, but this is just not going to work in the regular media.

Flamingoes

Ansel Elgort's Track Team Photo Revealed




It was very nice of the people who run the website for this year's Golden Globes to find Ansel Elgort's senior year track team photo:






Elgort turned in an Oscar-worthy performance in Baby Driver, which was clearly one of the most original films of the year. Hence, that's why it won't win many awards, right?

My two biggest criticisms of Baby Driver:

Once again, no one thought to create a character that would allow Lily James to actually act like a real person.

Once again, Millennials will not pay for music.

Alana Evans




At any other point in American History, Alana Evans would be a household name right now:

President Trump allegedly chased adult film star Stormy Daniels around a hotel room in his underwear, friend and fellow adult-film star Alana Evans claimed Tuesday in an appearance on Megyn Kelly Today. Evans first told The Daily Beast that she was invited to the hotel room that night to “party” with Trump and Daniels. “‘Come hang out with us. Come have fun. Let’s party,’” Evans told Kelly that Trump said. “If you’re inviting me to a hotel room to hang out with another man and a girlfriend of mine, it’s very easy for you to, you know, believe that there’s going to be more going on than just, you know, playing cards or scrabble.” Evans relayed that when she later asked Daniels how the night went she’d said, “‘Well, picture this. Donald Trump chasing me around the bedroom in his tighty whities’ isn’t something that you ever forget.’”

Basically, the President of the United States of America had ongoing relationships with multiple adult film stars and Playboy models. Hush money was paid to an unknown number of women to remain silent about this.

When did the president wear tighty whities and why isn't that being asked by every reporter in the land right now?

It's okay if you're a Republican, but when this stuff happened to Democrats (Gary Hart, Bill Clinton, John Edwards), it was Earth shattering and consumed the media for years.

The Seventies Are Alive Again




Everything about this is calming, especially in light of how insane things were in Hawaii.

Paddington 2




Now THIS is a superhero franchise:

An emotional masterpiece that digs deep while keeping you smiling, and a pure example of why sequels can still be a good thing.

In total honesty, no one expected director Paul King's Paddington to make any sort of a splash upon its release in 2015. Adaptations of classic characters, modernized for today's youth, have always been a tricky thing, and for the most part the results had been unremarkable. But King and his team hit a mountain of gold when it came to the legendary bear with a heart of Marmalade, as the film not only tapped into the whimsy of Michael Bond's source material, but it did so with a very appropriate modern flare. It gives me immense pleasure to say that if you were worried Paddington 2 would fail to repeat that feat, you're absolutely wrong.

Three years after he moved to London, Paddington (Ben Whishaw) is looking to get his Aunt Lucy the perfect birthday present -- an antique pop-up book of London. What starts as a bunch of odd jobs in the name of raising funds for an absurdly expensive book turns into a quest to prove his innocence, as the book is stolen and Paddington is the main suspect. With Mr. and Mrs. Brown (Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins) leading the charge, the race is on to clear this bear's good name, before it's too late.

I would much rather see this than any Marvel or DC film. The original, with Nicole Kidman making one of the great villain characters of zoology look sinister and hapless at the same time, was a masterpiece. Do not turn your nose up at this one. Really, this is what films are supposed to be like.

In a World of Horrors, Satire is Dead




The reason why people didn't get it is because they are being traumatized every day of their lives:

This New Year’s Day, Amazon tapped Saturday Night Live alums Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon to host its live coverage of the annual Rose Parade as fictional local news anchors Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Cattigan from Pasadena, California. As least some viewers were not amused. 

A look through the nearly 1,400 one-star reviews of the streaming special, produced by Funny or Die, reveal some seriously confused customers who somehow had no idea they were watching a comedy show. 

“I have watched the Rose Parade for over 30 years. I'm so frustrated that the hosts have absolutely no respect for the parade or the entrants,” a woman named Beth wrote. “They seem to be more interested in doing bits than talking about the bands/floats. I would have enjoyed the broadcast so much better without hosts. I'm EXTREMELY disappointed.”

“Way to go, Amazon ... totally RUINING the Rose Parade with 2 inane idiots who thought the event was ALL ABOUT THEM!!” Sue screamed. “(Do you really think fear of horses and depression are fitting parade commentary?!!) First, we muted. Then we missed several bands and floats while trying desperately to find a decent live-stream. Finally landed with ultra-professional KTLA. You might review them to learn how it's done!!!”

And then there was this one from John: “Fantastic camera work, but someone replace the two morons hosting this!!!!!!” 

There are hundreds more in the same vein, though the average has risen to three stars thanks to an even larger number of five-star reviews from those who understood that the commentary was supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.

I watched the parade with the normal commentary, and I can get why people were thrown off. The Rose Parade is an anachronism. Nobody works with their hands anymore. No one has patience. And to actually create something that, in a matter of hours, will fall apart after turning brown for the sole purpose of entertaining others is so 20th Century. It takes three hours and covers five miles. America can't handle those dimensions anymore. Next year's Rose Parade will be twenty minutes and cover three blocks.
















Scenes From the Collapse of the American Republic




This is what it looks like when democracy has begun to wither and die on the vine. No one has any decency. No one possesses the slightest amount of humility. And why bring your kids along? Why put your children through something like this?